Thinking aloud - Kids, environment and parenting!

It's been a while since I wrote anything. Parenthood struck 15 months back and life has been a whirlwind of emotions and experiences. It was all new to me and took a while getting used to. 

In the midst of the heart melting coos, cuddles, hugs and giggles, and the heart wrenching tears and sleeplessness (sigh!), life was going ahead in full steam!

Now that I have had some time to get a handle on things, I wanted to put into writing some thoughts about the child raising process that have been going through my head. Those near to me would know that the environment and its conservatism is something that I hold very close to my heart. How we can inculcate that in our little one is something that I would like to ponder aloud. 

Something I realized even more after being a father is the immense responsibility and the influencing power that parenthood brings. The little one adores, tries to copy and learn things continuously from the parents. Not just the things that you are trying to teach them, but the things you just do! This is where I believe the power of choice you possess, to do things right even when you think you are not being observed or doing the inconsequential things with due diligence that come into picture. Let us look at a few of real life scenarios that took place. 

When it was time to put the little one in Daycare, we scouted around a lot. There are a lot of convenient institutions, and daycares close by. However, they did not work for us. Why? Because they did not align with the ideals we deem important. So any daycare that had a TV or a screen was a strict no for us. We searched around relentlessly, until we found a place which had a similar thought process - food sourced organically from local farmers, believes in outdoor play and interaction, no screen time, and eating right with no junk food. The thought is to repeatedly showcase to our little one that sometimes what you want may not be the most convenient option, but if it is something that you care for, you stick to the ideals!

Another instance I wanted to write about is the 1^st birthday celebration that we had for the little one. We had a no gift policy and invited everyone who wanted to be a part of her celebration into a volunteering experience. We volunteered at a place that provides basic need items to individuals and families transitioning out of homelessness, fleeing domestic abuse etc. We ended up having a great time volunteering. We did go to a park and have cake and a grill out afterwards. However, the thought was to expose everyone to an experience and being aware of the world and being a contributor to a positive change rather than having an outside opinion on it.

It doesn’t have to be significantly big things. It can be small things. Each time we go out to a restaurant (and trust me we do that a lot!), we say - ‘Water, no ice and NO STRAW’. We get a lot of confused looks. However, we persist. The hope is she picks up on these small things that have a major impact.

Similar is the use of packaged drinking water, shopping bags, plastic toys, the list goes on. Being mindful of your own activities and setting the proper example is what I believe is going to be or utmost help. Reduce, reuse, recycle and repurpose - and do it because you want to rather than you need to. Let the kiddos grow up seeing this and it being a part of their day to day life and enjoying it. Let that be the norm. Once they grow up they might get to these conclusion on their own, or they may not. How about until they grow up and reach a conclusion on their own, the norm be that of environmental consciousness. The intention is definitely not to take the fun away. The thought is more to have loads and loads of fun when being mindful and enjoying the environment as well. 

There might be areas where we are lacking as parents. That is but a certainty to any parent that is out there. However, if you are certain of the core ideals that you have or want your kiddo to have, be the best representative of it to the little one. I would need to wait a few years to see whether she picks up on these traits or not. Maybe I shall write a follow up a few years down the line. For now, this enthusiastic and optimistic newbie dad is signing off!

The inevitable change and friendship

Here I am working from home after a long weekend well spent at the Lake Superior, when from nowhere I get the urge to write something.

I have a very close group of friends with whom I've grown up. We've mostly known each other from kindergarten and have always been in touch. Since there is around 25 years of history, the comfort levels in the group is also very high. The advent of WhatsApp and the likes helps keep us connected very easily. So here we were, ten friends having a WhatsApp group and discussing everything and anything under the sun - from the minute stupid jokes that we still say to opinions on worldly matters that are of far more significant importance.

So, one of the discussions that we recently had was - how much each of us has changed? Some were of the opinions that we have changed close to zilch! Some were of the opinions that we have changed so much that we are mere shadows of our past self. I felt it was a very interesting discussion. I believe a good part of what you are takes shape during the formative years where in your heart and head gets set in whatever way is best suited to you. But that does not mean you stop growing past that stage. Growing is the word I would like to emphasize on here. Depending on the experiences you have in life, you learn new things and unlearn old ones. To what extent each of these experiences changes a person, I do not know. It varies depending on the person you are.

Personally, I feel a lot of positive vibes when I travel with my awesome travel mate - my wife Dakshina. We both fall under the same criteria I mentioned earlier. Our acquaintance dates back to our kindergarten days! Both of us love to travel. We feel that each and every one of these experiences enriches us. It is a wonderful feeling - when you travel, meet people, see stuff, gain new experiences - that you see how each and every thing can be viewed so differently by two people. It feels so good to discuss all these things over dinner and still awe at some of the small stuff that you noticed on that day!

So if you ask me the question, do you think you have changed since 10-15 years back, I would definitely answer - Yes. But my point here would be that you are just a better version of what you were. You have had time to think and straighten out some flaws.. You have had time to experience new feelings, emotions, sights that you were not privy to earlier. You have had time to be the person you wanted to be. All of these statements need not be true for everyone. I do not believe I have achieved what I want to achieve in my life. A discussion I had recently comes to mind. The person mentioned that if you have a general idea what you want to do with your life, you should either be doing it, or do things that will lead you to doing it in the future. That struck me as a very pertinent point. Here I am, travelling a decent amount, doing a pretty good job at work, having found the life companion I have always wanted and still not sure as to where I want my life to lead to. Currently I am just letting it flow with the tide. I am unclear as to what defines me as a person. Is it the job I do? Or is the stuff I do at the times I am not working? Or should the job just be the means (financial ability) to do the things that I want to do otherwise? Is it too much to ask for both? Or is it just how I conduct myself in general? I have far too many questions than answers!

Well.. Before I get another tangential thought in my head let me make the point I set out to make. The set of friends that I made during my school days remain very special to me. During our discussions, we have had so much of difference in opinions.. so many arguments, we tease each other so bad that it might even seem offensive to a third party.. but the very next day, we are back to being the kids from kindergarten.  I enjoy and respect that. I wish and hope with all my might that that NEVER CHANGES!

Wild they may be.. but violent we are!

It’s been more than a year since I wrote something of worth. I have been guilty of starting something with earnest interest and not following up on it!

Having thought about 'what to write on?' for more than two hours, I finally know what I need to key in so as to restart my blog sphere.

Ever since I relocated to the east coast, I met this colleague who opened my eyes on the devastating incidents the aquatic wild life faces in captivity. He is someone who holds the activism against keeping ORCAS and Dolphins in captivity very close to his heart. We spoke on this topic for the first time when the Documentary 'Black Fish' was about to be aired on National television. This is how I got to know of this particular incident of immense cruelty towards Killer Whales.

Never having been to SeaWorld previously, I was really looking forward to heading over and seeing the 'Shamu Show'. The documentary - 'Blackfish' - really changed my thoughts towards this. Here was an absolutely beautiful animal - so much more majestic than humans can ever be - weighing more than 5 ton being made to do all kinds of comical acrobatics for the mere pleasure/ profit of human beings! Is it a breathtaking sight - oh sure it is! But is it against the whole concept of humanity - hell yeah! Imagine such a beauty of a creature, intelligent in its own ways being exploited by us humans. Very much like the size we are when compared to the Orcas, our thought process is also so very small and tiny!

What are the facts?

The facts are that Orcas are not meant for captivity. Period! The mere size of these animals should have been enough for us to understand this. If the size itself was overlooked (I don't know how that is even possible) the fact that this particular Orca in question  (named Tilikum) is the reason behind 3 deaths during its captivity should have sealed the case. Experts are of the opinion that cases of Orcas attacking humans in the wild are very very rare and that there is not a single recorded incident of fatality ever! What does this say? Leave them alone. Let them live their life in peace in the Oceans where they are supposed to. Take a look at the Ocean and the holding pads for the Orcas in captivity. They hardly have any space to move around! Imagine how you would feel to be locked up without being able to move your limbs around every single day and night! How you would feel if you are to be starved so as to do stuff that you have no interest doing! The catch is, you don’t do it, you don’t get fed!

With the advent of business and money being the sole reason behind many a person's life, the concept of being tolerant and understanding to others wishes has been thrown out of the window! With the cash registers ringing every time an Orca performs, SeaWorld continues to harness this tradition. Tilikum - The male Killer Whale (literally) has sired 21 calves. 11 of which are still alive. These are sold/ shipped to different location in the world to exploit the tendency of human beings to see something spectacular.

What was I thinking earlier?

I too was a captive under the influences of false promises and wonderful sights seen on advertisements. Marketing is such an awesome make belief world. How the truth can be contorted to fit your design is amazing! When you do dig deep down, you understand that there is hardly any credibility in the statements being made. They look awesome doing the acrobatics and it is a sight if I ever get to see in the wild, I would savor till my last.

During my reading up about all the abuses to Orcas, somewhere along the way dolphins came in to the picture. If the atrocities being committed against the Orcas can be called cruel some, I do not know how to tag the torture dolphins’ face! Reading up, I became aware of the cove in Taiji, Japan where they kill thousands of dolphins every single year. Why they do it? Well.. Taiji  is the largest supplier of Dolphins to the marine parks across the world. They drive all the dolphins into a cove and handpick the 'good looking' ones to be sent across the world. The ones that didn't get selected gets killed.. why .. so that they do not have to go through the same 'not so good looking' dolphins the next time around! The documentary ‘Cove’ again showcases the extent to which we as human beings are falling lower and lower in the morality count!

It is a disturbing thought! What I wish or hope to do by this post is merely bring to the attention of at least one new person the atrocities that we commit. My views towards these changed overnight! If I could make even one person think for a second before they go swimming with the dolphins or heading out to SeaWorld to see the show, I would consider the motive of this post accomplished!

Petition Site:

http://www.thepetitionsite.com/takeaction/724/210/624/

Disclaimer: All images used are from google.

In the name of the Game..

I am a die-hard fan of Cricket.. any chance I get to play or watch I jump and take it up with both hands.. and like many in our generation, my love for the game stemmed from a few great players who provided us so much joy that it had an unparalleled effect on our upbringing. A sports-person's ability to inspire is his biggest USP.. and I have been fortunate to live at a time where in there have been quite a few awe inspiring sport stars. 

My love for the game began at a very young age. The fact that my uncle was a big fan played a big part in this as I got to watch a lot of cricket that he watched. Every day we got back from school the one major part we looked forward to was the 2-3 hours of cricket that we played in our front yard. This used to be our highest point of the day. Watching Cricket and playing cricket from a single digit age went on to add my appreciation for the nuances of the game.

Now when I look back, I realize that the people who inspired me and have given me so many memories to cherish have all almost hung up their boots. I can see all the action that I watched as a kid when i close my eyes.. the images are still clear.. and it only feels like yesterday that i watched this action unveil..! What an impact these champs had on me. And when i say champs let me name some of them.. Sachin Tendulkar, Rahul Dravid, VVS Laxman, Anil Kumble, Javagal Srinath, Shane Warne, Steve Waugh, Alan Donald, Waqar Younis, Curtly Ambrose and Brian Charles Lara.. I guess most these names will be part of any Cricket lovers list.. and yes.. the list of Indian Cricketers are longer as I was, am and will always remain an Indian Cricket fan..

There are plenty of incidents of each one of these cricketers that are etched in my memory and I revisit them very often at the mere close of my eyes..! If I set out to explain in detail what they have done that made me so heads over heels crazy about cricket, I wouldn't know where to start or where to stop. Think of the many emotions these stars have made us undergo - joy, anger, sadness, heartbreak, disappointment, ecstasy, pride.. I can go on and elaborate a 100 incidents of such emotions having risen up during a single match..

At this juncture, I recollect an India vs Australia match that happened in the mid 90's.. Being a day and night match, it was going to take a bit longer to end than my usual bedtime hours.. Mother did not cut me any slack as the next day was a school day and I was sent to bed.. My elder brother however could watch the match as he was a good seven years older!!! How disappointed I was for being 'too young' to watch the match till 10:30PM! There I was turning left and right in my bed when my brother comes in and says 'I know you aren't sleeping.. things look hard for team India' . Then it was the wait for each over to end so that chetan(the Malayalam word for elder brother) would come and update me. What was happening in the cricket field was something magical as well. India were 8 down and needed around 50 plus runs to get home.. Sachin was out after having scored 88 I believe, and in the center was the combination of Anil Kumble and Javagal Srinath. I remember that the match was being played in Bangalore and having heard the commentators mention 'that is Kumble's family' when a certain set of people were shown on screen at the ground. The wait between overs was unbearable. Imagining and creating vivid pictures of how the previous over played out in my mind as per the description given by chetan, I sat about waiting for updates. Then the updates came more often as chetan, knowing I'm waiting eagerly combined with his anxiety to share the good news would let me know as soon as a four or a six was hit. We did end up winning the match.. but more importantly what I understood that day as a 10 year old was that I had already been captured by the game and that there are many young kids my age who would have undergone the same. I never saw the replay of the part I missed in that match.. not because clips of it aren't available.. but because I wanted that description by chetan and my putting it into images in my mind to remain unaltered! :) It was a small piece of brothers bonding over a game of cricket.. how many such incidents would have happened the world over due to sports!

What the Sachin's, Dravid's, Kumble's, Warne's and Lara's did to inspire me, other sports people would have done to 100's of others. What they did is not just capture our imagination, but also enhance it up due to their exemplary actions in their respective sports. The game of cricket was just an eye opener to me. I ended up watching more and more sports from there. It is then that I realized the beauty of a Sampras serve and the never say die attitude of Agassi. I started admiring F1 races by Hakkinen and Schumacher.. Sports became a kind of stress buster and passion.

I have been blessed to be at a time when there have been many greats in sports.. from Sampras to Federer.. Sachin, Lara to Warne.. Schumacher Hakkinen to Alonso... Zidane, Figo to Nistelrooy - these are all stars who have given me joy due to the game they play and the way they play it. To me however the capability of sportstars to inspire is diminishing.. I am begining to feel that we do not have the kind of great players I grew up watching.. They just fail to capture my imagination.. Is it due to me reaching a particular phase of life or is it due to there being a decline in the ability of sport stars to inspire, I do not know.. I am inclined to go by the latter.